Tag Archives: Golf

Top 5 Masters Moments

I know I know, I’ve been gone a lone time. I’ve been busy (not busy). The Masters is upon us starting tomorrow and Tiger will finally win his first major since the 2008 U.S. Open when he won on one leg.

5 –¬† Louis Oosthuizen ( Pronounced “westhazen”.. foreign people blow my fucking mind with their god damn names) Albatross on the 2nd hole Final Round 2012

Louis went on to throw the ball into the crowd. Since this is Augusta, the patron probably has more money than Louis, so he gave the ball back to Louis after his round was over. Louis would lose in a playoff to Bubba Watson

4 – Tiger Woods’ chip in on the 16th hole Final Round 2005

 

Only one golfer in the world makes that shot, or even comes close to the hole. Tiger went on to win in a playoff over Chris DiMarco

 

3 -Bubba’s hook from the woods 2nd playoff hole (10th) 2012

Maybe the best shot in golf history, given its circumstance.

 

2 – Jack Nicklaus wins the green jacket at 46 years old 1986

Cocky old fuck. Coincidentally this was Jim Nantz’ first Masters, he will never see a better tournament. Verne Lundquist’s “Yes Sir!” after Jack’s birdie on 17 will forever be the greatest call in Masters history.

1 -Jason Day’s wife 2011

Nobody saw Charl Schwartzel birdie his last 3567 holes on his way to winning the 2011 Masters because the cameras could not stay away from Jason Day’s wife. She won the Masters. She should get her own green jacket. Bitch. Jason Day could have finished 35th and they still would show her over and over. Whoever spotted her and decided, “hey.. this girl is really hot let’s just focus on her” you deserve to be CEO of CBS by now. Well done.

 

This list is definitive it isn’t up for debate. I showed it to Billy Payne and he agreed with me so it’s all good. This year has all the making of being a great tournament. Tiger is back to being the best golfer in the world. There are an absurd number of young talented golfers out there who can win, Rory is starting to get his game back after a borderline terrible start to the year. A Tiger Rory final pairing on Sunday is wishful thinking but very possible. Go sports!

Phil misses the green on 16 at TPC Scottsdale. Murdered by Rickie Fowler’s tee shot shortly after.

p1_mickelsonAs I mentioned earlier, Phil shot a 60 yesterday at the Waste Management Phoenix Open at TPC Scottsdale. Today, Phil was on his way to another miraculous round, unfortunately for Phil, tragedy struck the golf world.

Phil is approaching the 16th tee walking through the tunnel hearing nothing but chants of “Phil, Phil, Phil, etc.” He is a graduate of ASU, and is a fan favorite in golf, more so at Scottsdale. Phil had just made an eagle on the par 5 15th to increase his lead to 6 over fellow PGA championship winner Keegan Bradley, who shot a very respectable 63 earlier in the day. Through the chants of the vigorous 16th hole at TPC Scottsdale; the most exciting hole in all of golf, Phil is talking with longtime caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay, like he does before every shot he’s ever taken in his PGA tour career. Phil pulls out a Gap wedge on a hole where most¬† golfers were taking either 9 iron or Pitching wedge.. Classic Phil move. As the crowd languidly softens their excitement for the 40 time PGA tour winner, Phil takes his natural massive hack at the ball, dead on towards the pin. The flaccidity of the crowd noise is turning into an enduring roar by all in attendance. Suddenly the ball has fell on the green surface, and rolled, and rolled, and kept rolling… Off the green. The respect for Phil in Arizona is seen, when he is in fact, not booed.

Unfortunately for Phil, he is paired with Rickie Fowler who is 24 over par over his last 5 holes. The 23 year old Fowler takes a 3 hybrid for some reason, he’s completely lost his way at this point of the tournament. He takes 30 practice swings before his shot. The chants of the crowd go from “Phil, Phil” to “Grundle. Grundle” for some reason. Whatever, not looking into it. Rickie takes the swing and pulls a classic Tom Rudolph when the ball in fact doesn’t go forward, but instead goes sideways right into Phil Mickelson’s fucking face, killing him instantly.

R.I.P. Figjam.

 

ps. Phil isn’t dead. He’s destroying this tournament. Flirting with .. never mind he just hit a ball into the water at 18. Fuck you Phil.

Dustin Johnson’s life is 48098098x better than anyone elses.

pg

I hope if they have a child it has 3 dicks, 4 breasts and a face like Andrew Dilorenzo. None of that will probably happen though.

One of the best golfer’s in the world and now has the greater one on his arm. Fuck you man. The rich get richer.

This was posted hours after DJ withdrew with "flu-like" symptoms.. sure sure

This was posted hours after DJ withdrew with “flu-like” symptoms.. sure sure

If you had this minx walking outside the ropes with you, I'd withdraw 7 days a week

If you had this minx walking outside the ropes with you, I’d withdraw 7 days a week

 

Fuckin Bombay

Fuckin Bombay

Look at those fuckin tits

Look at those fuckin tits

By the way, Phil almost shot a 59 yesterday.. Don’t care? oh ok. Phil’s tits.

 

Tiger and Rory both miss cut in Abu Dhabi, immediatley have 69 contest on 18th green.

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I have absolutely had it with the love fest these 2 have had over the last year or so. We get it, you two are the best 2 players in the world, by a large margin mind you, and both of them know it. Making commercials together, because Rory had to follow in his big strong man’s footsteps and join Nike, even though they filmed the commercial at different times and weren’t together while filming it. Even still, it made me sick. Especially since they aired the commercial right before/ during a tournament where they both played like absolute garbage. Tiger even took it upon himself to declare his ball unplayable and give himself a free drop without even getting clarity from a an official. You can’t do that you pretentious Blasian asshole. Tiger knew what he was doing, he just wanted to get out of there and get his $3million appearance fee and have the weekend free full of romance and cum with Rory.

As for Rory, he just played like shit. New equipment, more pressure, blah blah. Him, like Tiger, got a 3 million appearance fee, as they do almost every time they play on the European tour. I’m not saying he didn’t try hard but Tiger and him playing together had a lot to do with his poor play.

I used to hate Rory. He was a little fat curly haired shit and it pissed me off he was good at golf, because his body type was the opposite of what a golfer should be, nowadays at least. Then he realized he looked like Ham from the Sandlot, so he decided to get in shape. Then he went on to dominate golf and become the number 1 player, so he got my respect. Not like my respect matters or anything, but still, I tipped my cap to him.

Then Tiger got out of slump and all hell broke lose. They have been paired together the first 2 rounds almost every tournament they’ve played together, scheduled at press conferences right after each other so they can have witty banter among one another, holding hands walking down the fairway, buying condoms together at WaWa, etc.

Enough already , golf world. Just let this rivalry expand on it’s own. Don’t try and contrive something that only Tiger and Rory can let happen on the course. This is a good rivalry, golf needs it but if they are paired up together every week and they miss the cut more often , what’s the fucking point? It’s like having a rivalry with Mark Sanchez and David Carr. No one is going to care.

Now if they want to fuck each other all the time, so be it, to each his own. Just keep the PDA’s in mind and know that it is a little rude.

By the way, a “69 Contest” is when 2 gentlemen partake in the act of 69ing and whoever cums first loses.. or wins.