Tom’s top 10 most disliked athletes

Forbes did their annual list of hated athletes, goes like so

  1. Lance
  2. El Tigre
  3. Chick from Laguna beach’s boyfriend
  4. Queensbridge
  5. The worst baseball player in the history of baseball
  6. Bark Bark
  7. Some Nascar Driver
  8. “KOBE!” (shooting garbage in trash can)
  9. Jessica Simpson

Now sure some of these players deserve to be on here, some dont. Here is the definitive list of athletes I dislike the most.

10. Shaun White

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Such a cocksucker, look at the fucking hat. The wrong guy died at the X games this year.

9. Bernie Mac

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Such a selfish prick, comes out of retirement just so he can get 3000 hits? selfish much? You fucked up the whole dynamic of the team.

8. David Simms

DaveSimmsThe guy hates old people, and yells at children. Always lays up with the U.S. open on the line. tool.

7. Hunter Pence

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If you like Hunter Pence you probably have Lou Gehrigs Disease and are gonna die in 7 minutes.

6. John Lackey

John Lackeyugh, close your mouth you fat asshole. CLOSE IT!!

 

5. Sidney Crosby

fileCrosby:”hey ref.. ref!! The guy just looked at me!”.. Ref: “5 minute major for looking, and an 8 game suspension and you lose custody of your children.”

 

4. Tom Brady

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Brady: “hey Ref.. REF!.. That guy ju”  Ref : “Shut the fuck up, Tom, no one cares. You haven’t won anything in 10 years…. your wife is hot”

 

3. Alex Morgan

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Answer my Phone calls, Love Letters, text messages, snap chats, twitter DMs and you’re off the list. -Love, your boyfriend, Tom Rudolph

 

2. Andrew Luck

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You’re so ugly that it gave your coach cancer.

 

1. Dustin Johnson

Fuckin Bombay

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paulinagretzkypool_612article-0-14542bea000005dc-752_634x949Paulina-Gretzkypaulina-gretzky-vacation-photos-2paulina-gretzky-4paulina coverFuck you, keep grounding your club in the bunker.

Phil misses the green on 16 at TPC Scottsdale. Murdered by Rickie Fowler’s tee shot shortly after.

p1_mickelsonAs I mentioned earlier, Phil shot a 60 yesterday at the Waste Management Phoenix Open at TPC Scottsdale. Today, Phil was on his way to another miraculous round, unfortunately for Phil, tragedy struck the golf world.

Phil is approaching the 16th tee walking through the tunnel hearing nothing but chants of “Phil, Phil, Phil, etc.” He is a graduate of ASU, and is a fan favorite in golf, more so at Scottsdale. Phil had just made an eagle on the par 5 15th to increase his lead to 6 over fellow PGA championship winner Keegan Bradley, who shot a very respectable 63 earlier in the day. Through the chants of the vigorous 16th hole at TPC Scottsdale; the most exciting hole in all of golf, Phil is talking with longtime caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay, like he does before every shot he’s ever taken in his PGA tour career. Phil pulls out a Gap wedge on a hole where most  golfers were taking either 9 iron or Pitching wedge.. Classic Phil move. As the crowd languidly softens their excitement for the 40 time PGA tour winner, Phil takes his natural massive hack at the ball, dead on towards the pin. The flaccidity of the crowd noise is turning into an enduring roar by all in attendance. Suddenly the ball has fell on the green surface, and rolled, and rolled, and kept rolling… Off the green. The respect for Phil in Arizona is seen, when he is in fact, not booed.

Unfortunately for Phil, he is paired with Rickie Fowler who is 24 over par over his last 5 holes. The 23 year old Fowler takes a 3 hybrid for some reason, he’s completely lost his way at this point of the tournament. He takes 30 practice swings before his shot. The chants of the crowd go from “Phil, Phil” to “Grundle. Grundle” for some reason. Whatever, not looking into it. Rickie takes the swing and pulls a classic Tom Rudolph when the ball in fact doesn’t go forward, but instead goes sideways right into Phil Mickelson’s fucking face, killing him instantly.

R.I.P. Figjam.

 

ps. Phil isn’t dead. He’s destroying this tournament. Flirting with .. never mind he just hit a ball into the water at 18. Fuck you Phil.

Dustin Johnson’s life is 48098098x better than anyone elses.

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I hope if they have a child it has 3 dicks, 4 breasts and a face like Andrew Dilorenzo. None of that will probably happen though.

One of the best golfer’s in the world and now has the greater one on his arm. Fuck you man. The rich get richer.

This was posted hours after DJ withdrew with "flu-like" symptoms.. sure sure

This was posted hours after DJ withdrew with “flu-like” symptoms.. sure sure

If you had this minx walking outside the ropes with you, I'd withdraw 7 days a week

If you had this minx walking outside the ropes with you, I’d withdraw 7 days a week

 

Fuckin Bombay

Fuckin Bombay

Look at those fuckin tits

Look at those fuckin tits

By the way, Phil almost shot a 59 yesterday.. Don’t care? oh ok. Phil’s tits.

 

Special Superbowl Prop Bet Locks

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What’s more fun than the Superbowl? Betting on the Superbowl. What’s more fun than betting on the Superbowl? Betting on things in the Superbowl that have nothing to do with the game.

How long will it take Alicia Keys to sing the US National Anthem?Over/Under 2 minutes 15seconds– UNDER Everyone hates Alicia Keys now for some reason right? She’ll hurry up and get the hell out of there.

Will Beyonce be joined by Jay Z on Stage during the Super Bowl Half Time Show?                            Yes +110 No -150 … Absolutely no chance he would do that and try to steal the spotlight from his bitch.

Will either Jack or Jackie Harbaugh be shown on TV wearing any clothing that has either a SF or BAL logo on it during the game?                                                                                                                    Yes +200 No -300   There’s a chance they both might be sporting a different team, but that’s just too cheesy for the Hardbaughs.. Not a typo

How long will the post game handshake/hug last between Jim & John Harbaugh?                Over/Under 7.5 secondsUNDER.. Bet your house on this, it might last 2 seconds, they’ve been waiting for this moment their whole lives. They’re not gonna milk it, they’re both professionals and are head coaching foes first, them being brothers has nothing to do with the game if you ask both of them

What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team?

  • Clear/Water 7/4
  • Orange 5/2
  • Yellow 5/2
  • Green 13/2
  • Red 13/2
  • Blue 13/2

After some research I don’t think Green has ever been a color of a dumped Gatorade. Why not now?

Who will the Super Bowl MVP of the Game thank first?

Teammates 5/4                                                                                                                                     God 5/2                                                                                                                                               Coach 12/1                                                                                                                                          Family 12/1                                                                                                                                          Owner 15/1                                                                                                                                          Does Not Thank Anyone 9/4 Colin Kaepernick is going to win this, and I’m pretty confident that he’s just going to say “FUCK YOU!” To Jim Nantz then DDT him through the float.

 

Head on over to Busted Coverage for more, there are 32 pages of this stuff, mostly game related.

 

 

I Just Did The Worst Thing in The History of Human Existence

220px-Toilet_with_flush_water_tank

Over the course of mans existence we’ve seen a lot of mistakes made, a lot of mistakes that have hurt many people, physically and of course, mentally. Heinous acts of poor judgment that have led nations to years of poverty and depression. More recently; decorated athletes coming out and admitting to cheating while becoming a role model to millions. These vainglorious errors in human existence do not hold a candle to the crime I just committed.

I’ve been up since about 3 am with stomach issues. So I’ve been in and out of the bathroom all day.  My last bathroom visit ended with me in a state of shock. All of my restroom visits prior started and ended as they usually should. Pants down, squat, go, wipe, drop toilet paper in toilet, get up, pants up, look to make sure shit looks normal, flush, wash hands, dry hands, exit bathroom. Easy right, can’t really fuck up that routine. For some bizarre reason this time around, after wiping, instead of dropping the toilet paper in the fucking toilet, I take the toilet paper and decide to throw it in the garbage… What… The… Fuck… For a solid 13 seconds I couldn’t move. My body froze because I just did something so terrible that I shouldn’t be allowed to exist on this planet anymore. Who on earth would ever do that and why? I am a fucking grown ass man and there is absolutely no justifiable reason for me to wipe my ass and not IMMEDITAELY drop the toilet paper into the toilet. After I finally snapped out of I got up, there’s shit just fucking everywhere, on my leg, on the floor, in the garbage. I immediately jump in the shower, just got right in there, got out, no fucking towels, gotta run upstairs bare ass to get a towel, scrub down the bathroom, took me about 45 minutes, I cleaned the whole fucking house after this.

My only option now is to just burn my house down right? I live in an attached house so I gotta tell my neighbor that his house is going to get burned down and there’s nothing that can be done, sorry Joe, get the fuck out now before it’s too late… I don’t give a fuck about your security cameras. It’s that or start therapy, any psychiatrists out there want to take a shot at this and figure out why I couldn’t just drop the toilet paper in the toilet? Do I run away, change my name and start my life an oil driller in North Dakota? I’m at a loss.

I’m shutting my phone off for a month, no one talk to me. If my boss is reading this, sorry I’m not coming in today, nor will I for at least 5 months.  I’m very sorry for my actions, but this is hands down the worst thing anyone has every done in the history of mankind.

Love, Tom.

Superbowl Story Lines

0116S10_Harbaugh40pSuper Bowl XLVII is going to be all about the Harbaughs, and you all know that. The Harbowl, the Bro Bowl, call it what you will. Personally, I think it’s pretty awesome, probably never going to see something like this again. Also I love the fact that this is over shadowing the fake Ray Lewis nonsense. I’d like to see how he acts when he knows the cameras are not on him. He just constantly murders people right? has to. These are some things that probably won’t get talked about leading up the the big game.

 

Randy Moss

randy-moss1Remember this guy? Of course you do because from 1998 to about 2005 he absolutely dominated the sport, then went to Oakland and did Raider things (Sucked) for a few seasons, Went to New England, broke about 245 records and was back to being the best WR in the game. Or so we thought. 07-09 couldn’t have gone any better for Moss..well, almost.. But 2010 was pretty awful, played on 3 different teams, went back to Minnesota, wound up in Tennessee, only had 28 catches the whole season, seemed as if Moss’s playing days were done, and they were. He retired following the season. After a few months of doing Randy Moss things, I guess Moss decided he’s ready to play again. Granted he hasn’t done much this season, but let’s say the 49ers win the Super Bowl, what kind of effect will it have on Moss’ legacy? Will it have any? Depends on the game play. At 35 years old, Moss still has the ability to be a game changer and I won’t be surprised if we see Moss make some big plays.

 

-Joe Flacco

hi-res-159800380_crop_exact-1Guess who has the most wins in the playoffs since 2008.. Brady? Nope, Eli? Nope, Peyton? Nope, Rodgers? Nope.. Big Ben? Nope.. It’s Joe Flacco. He has 8 playoff victories and has yet to miss the playoffs in his career. Add his regular season victories in and no quarterback has won more games since 2008 than Joe Flacco. ( Matt Ryan has 2 more regular season wins but only 1 playoff victory) Will Flacco finally get the respect he deserves with a Ravens victory? Will he finally be considered elite? For one, he absolutely should be. He’s not flashy, he’s not exciting, he’s really not even gritty. He’s just a good quarterback, he does what he has to do to win games. He’s a gamer. Guys like Tony Romo and Philip Rivers need to be taken out of the conversation of elite and Flacco and Matt Ryan need to replace them. Matt Ryan earned his spot as an elite QB this season though, that’s pretty evident. With a victory on Feb 3rd, Flacco will certainly be considered elite and the next generation of QBs will be upon us… finally.

 

-Jim Harbaugh

Just focusing on Jim Harbaugh the coach here, not Jim Harbaugh the brother, so don’t call me a hypocrite. Jerks

This guy is a complete preposterous daft lunatic and I love it. He picks fights with other coaches; he is the most animated coach in the league; he benches his starting quarterback for a unproven guy that most people thought would never make it in the NFL, and it worked. He took a team that was down right terrible before he took over and brought them to the NFC Championship 2 years in a row. Now he has them playing for the Superbowl, in only his 2nd season an an NFL head coach. That’s something special that not a lot of people can accomplish. (Forget the likes of Jim Caldwell who took the Colts to the Superbowl in his first year as a head coach, he had Peyton Manning in his prime, look what happened when he got hurt.) Harbaugh came in with nothing and completely shaped a shitty team into a winning team. He’s a fired up passionate son of a bitch and football players love playing for assholes like this. He’s going to pull something we haven’t seen before on the sidelines during the Superbowl I’m sure, he might even pick a girl out of the stands and just throw her onto the field in a fit of anger. I wouldn’t be mad about that all.

 


Pretty much all I got for now, I’ve hit a brain fart, hope you enjoyed this. More Superbowl stuff to come. Enjoy your Tuesday all.