Category Archives: hockey

The Greatest Moments In American History

Happy Birthday America. You are beautiful.

10. Abe Lincoln

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Such a stand up son of a bitch, had a crazy wife, dead kids, half the country wasn’t even American anymore and he fixed all the shit. You go Abe, good for you.

9. Daniel Day Lewis

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Not an American. Still, decent guy who played an American. Hence, great American.

8. OJ Simpson trial

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Was anything else more important when that trial was on TV? Absolutely not. I missed my sons wedding because of this trial. Shit was riveting.

7. John Daly

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Just Grip it N’ Rip it.

6. Titanic sinking

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Without this, we dont have Leonardo DiCaprio. Simple.

5. Alex Morgan

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You perfect specimen. Just wish you would answer my calls just once.

4. McDonald’s brings back the McRib

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Taken off the menu in 2005 because it’s basically not real meat, or Kangaroo meat possibly. Now for about a month a year they bring this beautiful son of a bitch back. While eating, it is pure bliss. 7 seconds after the only thing you want to do is murder yourself on live TV.

3. Arrested Development

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The greatest show in American television history hands down. If you say like “All in the Family” is the best show in history, you deserve to be beaten up in front of your kids.

2. The animated GIF

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and let’s not forget

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1. Miracle

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I’m talking about the movie here, not the event that it was based on, who gives a damn about that. Miracle is the greatest movie in earth history.

Happy Birthday America! AGAIN!

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Tom’s top 10 most disliked athletes

Forbes did their annual list of hated athletes, goes like so

  1. Lance
  2. El Tigre
  3. Chick from Laguna beach’s boyfriend
  4. Queensbridge
  5. The worst baseball player in the history of baseball
  6. Bark Bark
  7. Some Nascar Driver
  8. “KOBE!” (shooting garbage in trash can)
  9. Jessica Simpson

Now sure some of these players deserve to be on here, some dont. Here is the definitive list of athletes I dislike the most.

10. Shaun White

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Such a cocksucker, look at the fucking hat. The wrong guy died at the X games this year.

9. Bernie Mac

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Such a selfish prick, comes out of retirement just so he can get 3000 hits? selfish much? You fucked up the whole dynamic of the team.

8. David Simms

DaveSimmsThe guy hates old people, and yells at children. Always lays up with the U.S. open on the line. tool.

7. Hunter Pence

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If you like Hunter Pence you probably have Lou Gehrigs Disease and are gonna die in 7 minutes.

6. John Lackey

John Lackeyugh, close your mouth you fat asshole. CLOSE IT!!

 

5. Sidney Crosby

fileCrosby:”hey ref.. ref!! The guy just looked at me!”.. Ref: “5 minute major for looking, and an 8 game suspension and you lose custody of your children.”

 

4. Tom Brady

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Brady: “hey Ref.. REF!.. That guy ju”  Ref : “Shut the fuck up, Tom, no one cares. You haven’t won anything in 10 years…. your wife is hot”

 

3. Alex Morgan

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Answer my Phone calls, Love Letters, text messages, snap chats, twitter DMs and you’re off the list. -Love, your boyfriend, Tom Rudolph

 

2. Andrew Luck

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You’re so ugly that it gave your coach cancer.

 

1. Dustin Johnson

Fuckin Bombay

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paulinagretzkypool_612article-0-14542bea000005dc-752_634x949Paulina-Gretzkypaulina-gretzky-vacation-photos-2paulina-gretzky-4paulina coverFuck you, keep grounding your club in the bunker.