The Greatest Moments In American History

Happy Birthday America. You are beautiful.

10. Abe Lincoln


Such a stand up son of a bitch, had a crazy wife, dead kids, half the country wasn’t even American anymore and he fixed all the shit. You go Abe, good for you.

9. Daniel Day Lewis


Not an American. Still, decent guy who played an American. Hence, great American.

8. OJ Simpson trial


Was anything else more important when that trial was on TV? Absolutely not. I missed my sons wedding because of this trial. Shit was riveting.

7. John Daly


Just Grip it N’ Rip it.

6. Titanic sinking


Without this, we dont have Leonardo DiCaprio. Simple.

5. Alex Morgan


You perfect specimen. Just wish you would answer my calls just once.

4. McDonald’s brings back the McRib


Taken off the menu in 2005 because it’s basically not real meat, or Kangaroo meat possibly. Now for about a month a year they bring this beautiful son of a bitch back. While eating, it is pure bliss. 7 seconds after the only thing you want to do is murder yourself on live TV.

3. Arrested Development


The greatest show in American television history hands down. If you say like “All in the Family” is the best show in history, you deserve to be beaten up in front of your kids.

2. The animated GIF

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and let’s not forget

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1. Miracle


I’m talking about the movie here, not the event that it was based on, who gives a damn about that. Miracle is the greatest movie in earth history.

Happy Birthday America! AGAIN!


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